| Autumn's profilein the space of a cantel...PhotosBlogLists | Help |
|
November 22 Black Friday"DO NOT come in late, tired, sick, or hungover." - my GM on tomorrow, the official opening day of the commercial Christmas season. Thankfully I got any drinking I meant to do this week out of the way last night. The malls open at 6 a.m. or earlier. People in my family are planning to go shopping. I cannot imagine the appeal of such madness. Who looks forward to long lines, competing with other people for the things you intend to buy, not to mention for personal space? I can seethe as much as I want about the senselessness of a mass designated shopping day and the commodification of Christmas, but the truth is I directly profit from it. More people out shopping means more people at the restaurant, and more tips for me. If I was not working tomorrow, I would refrain from coming anywhere close to a parking lot of a shopping mall. However, sure as your Target wake up call, I'll be there in the middle of it, with people collapsing into their seats as if they had just run a half marathon, but really because they had "been shopping all day," refusing offers for to-go boxes because they cannot carry them with all their bags. Rail against it as I may, I am much happier to be on the business side of the insanity, because, despite my bleeding liberal heart, I'm still a college slob who needs money. btw, why Black Friday is called Black Friday (according to my old GM): because businesses, in their account keeping before modern technology, would use a red pen to record a negative day's profit, and a black pen to note a positive profit. All retail businesses will make a profit, or be "in the black" on the day after Thanksgiving. November 14 Reflections on growing up to be an academicThe transition from being an aimless 20 something to an academic is something like being at the top of a roller coaster, in the sense that I am going head first into what's before me, and I cannot really stop because, if I put the brakes on and look around, there is nowhere else really to go. After 4 years of denying myself my true interests, I jumped on the opportunity to begin a life that will likely bring me more fulfillment. Occasionally I ask myself if I might be moving too fast, if I am making the right decisions, if this is what I really want. Then I recall why I am going for this. I love culture, language, and talking to people on intellectual levels. I love to travel. And I realize that most of my reservations have more to do with the idea of "future" itself. Sometimes it's hard to get my head around the idea that I will exist in 10 or 20 years. When I was 15 I couldn't imagine myself at 21. I don't know how to picture myself living differently than I do now. The ideas of the radical changes in my environment and people around me between then and now are overwhelming. But I can't live at my parents' house waiting tables forever. This "future" will come whether I plan for it or not. In 5 years I could be: a) still waiting tables, paying rent or still living at home, doing nothing outstanding with my education b) making damn good money somewhere while I grind through lab work or research with a mediocre level of satisfaction, with 2 weeks vacation c) still waiting tables, but working in/toward my much more stimulating lifestyle as an anthropologist d) tumbleweeding around the globe, working for food and shelter in distant lands, learning new languages and finding my inner Self Between (c) and (d) is a tough call, but at least (c) will have a share of (d) in it, with a little higher chance of survival. The thought that this means 10 more years of school, or that I will be probably 35 when I can apply for the type of job I would like, is unsettling at first. Then I remind myself it's not the same as training to work in a lab, or going to school to get the big money job. It should not be so "goal-oriented," in that I ought to be enjoying (in that masochistic sort of way) my work in grad school. The lines between student and professors blur. My "career" starts now. Right now I am only learning the ropes. At this stage I've only read or heard about them, let alone touched them. We begin with this little field research project in Morocco. My prof and I agreed on a topic today, the most accessible and with the fewest likely IRB issues, which I wouldn't know anything about if it wasn't for my Medical Ethics class. Now that that stage has been settled I am more at ease, just because there is not as much risk/planning necessary with this topic. Now we are up to writing the proposals to beg for money and approval from the U's research comittee, my first exercise in what supposedly will make up much of my work in the coming years. I am coming into these studies in anthropology with a non-extraordinary academic record. I really wasn't motivated to do anything extracurricular or spectacular until now, so in addition to tuning into a new field, I am playing some catch up as well. Needless to say I am a little self conscious, it's a bit a challenge to keep my head above water in the conversations I've had so far with professors and grad students. I know my place, but even if I do have to make up for missing pieces, I know I have the ability to do this stuff. November 12 Quote of the Day"...you need someone who speaks Arabic." "I know, that's part of the problem. I have nothing to offer anyone, I'm just a college slob." "You can use your femme fatale."
-my friend & me, on complications of doing research in Morocco November 11 Saturday night achesAnother 12 hour Saturday sets on my stiff shoulders, worn feet and heavy eyelids. This is a tip of the painful Christmas season iceberg. Even 2 weeks ago was considerably more masochistic, and I can expect something likewise in the weeks to come. Typically at this time on a Saturday (although it's now Sunday, we still consider it Saturday in terms of when our last shift ended and next starts) I would be sipping on the glass of wine that I never finish gossiping about work. They opted to play pool at a different bar than our usual, though, and for some reason I don't feel too sociable. My excuse for not participating in the social life as I should be is that I'd rather not be somewhere loud like said bar. I would love a glass of red wine, but I am trying to avoid the habit of drinking at home, though I think I would excuse myself tonight. I realized lately that most of my coworkers, at least the ones I am closer to, are in their late 20s and early 30s, many with kids. They are not so much of the younger, single, student demographic as many restaurants are. I don't know how they do it. They tell me I am young and should be able to handle anything. But I have been so disenchanted with my job lately. I believe there was one time where I thought to myself, "I like my job, maybe I wouldn't mind doing this for a while if I had to." Now I ask, what was I thinking? Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few upsides to what I do. There is nothing like restaurant work, and anyone that's ever experienced it knows it. There are so many opportunities for crazy things to happen. It keeps me constantly moving and active. It is quite substantially true that the more and harder I work, the more I earn. I am quite comfortable where I am. My restaurant makes up the majority of my meager social life, including my significant other. I work under a GM whom I genuinely respect professionally and personally, and does her best to keep both guests and us happy. But then there is the job itself. You know there are people that are really cut out for this kind of stuff. I heard an interview with Steve Carrell on NPR, who used to wait tables before he played a 40 year old virgin (talk about moving up in the world). He said something along the lines of how he would get personally upset when a table was dissatisfied with their experience because he felt obliged to make their outing a good one as they were investing their money in his restaurant, etc. etc. See that is the type of person made for this job. Because it practically is a show business, and what good are you if you don't care about your audience? Take my GM, too, on whom I feel the vitality of practically the entire restaurant rides. Every time a guest is unhappy she knows exactly what to say and does whatever she can to fix them up. But me? I've never been a good saleswoman, to start with. I follow a script, but when something goes wrong, or I meet a cold table, or even in the general course of my day, I am just not motivated to put the extra energy into making my guests' experiences exceptional. If a guest gets upset or there is a problem, I follow protocols to fix it so that they are happy, but while I do have some sympathy for people investing money into me and my establishment, I am not motivated by a personal view of my work as an entertainer. It's just my job to do this stuff, and doing otherwise would only make everyone's lives more difficult. In a noncomplicated setting, I don't resist conversation or brush aside personable talk, I even welcome it if it's quiet enough, but I can't make myself the one to break the ice with all my tables like I know some people are just naturals at such things. I honestly kind of wish I was better at it, but it's just not in my wiring. And lately... lately it feels like the only day I go in ready to work is a Saturday, and even today I couldn't get myself into it. It is the same repetitive laborious day after another.
I would love a change. And not another restaurant, because the range of problems and challenges are the same in every restaurant, or in more conventional terminology: same shit, different pile. I could get one, I think to myself, a different job when I graduate, if I just start looking... and then I remember why I don't, and why I don't leave this place, and another one of the greater perks I do love about it. That I can travel, request off, and manipulate my schedule almost as I need it, and still have a great paying job. Would any entry level job that requires a college degree give me that flexibility and pay me as well as I am paid now? I don't think so. If I am wrong please forward me some offers, because I am aching for a change of scenery. September 03 its never easy It is amazing how fast one can find a comfort zone. Dar Afram is one of those places that you keep wanting to go back to just one more time, to see who checked in and who is checking out and to bum around talking to Taz Abdel Oulamine and Tim (for the time that he is there) into small hours. So how do you take your leave?
Difficult as it is to say goodbye when we are limited by laws of mass conservation, it is such a relief knowing that we can keep in touch in so many ways now. And it is more of a strange thing how often we do not keep in touch, even with the ones who are physically close to us. Some people say it takes so much work energy and courage to travel but I think we have it so easy. When I do travel about I keep thinking about how people used to pack up and leave their homes or families in search of riches or business, or even more a wonder, out of an itch to go and see the world despite all its unknowns. What were these relationships like, where you could not even feign an ¨I will email you¨ or ¨I will call you when I get on the plane¨ ? How hard was it without MSN messenger to talk to your family so they knew you were ok, or without phones to call up for a minute? I mean back when the only way was thru letters that took months to get anywhere... how did they get along? Were they more engaged in their surroundings and establishing their comfort zones when home was not close?
And for me, I am not technologically savvy and I think even if I was I would still think it some kind of magic or miracle that we can be so close now when our predecessors had to suffer so much more distance. I think we still take it for granted because we exchange emails all the time but rarely keep up with those ones. At least traveling gives me this awareness August 29 MarrakechI have been much better about writing in my journal than here. But I write here because my good pen ran out and I only have a crappy one left. I found myself restless in Kenitra so I came to Marrakech solo understanding that I can't wait for people to wait on me. So far it is the best thing that's happened to me on this trip, despite my initial dehydration which caused me to nearly faint my first day here. The coolest thing about traveling solo, at least on a well trodden path, is that you are almost never really alone. I met a French/Canadian couple (Sebastian and Frederique) and a Moroccan man (Abd al Ghani) on the train from Kenitra to Marrakech, who were phenomenal. The receptionist at the hotel was very helpful. I just needed a lot of water, food, and time to do things at my own pace. My accomodation is a humble room literally a 2 minute walk from the Jemaa al Fna. It is absolutely amazing at when the sun goes down. You can hear the adhan from 3 different mosques. The orange juice is fantastic. Spectacular as it is, I will avoid the Jemaa late at night. Last night I walked around at my own pace, guarding my bag. It is not unsafe but I did get harrassed by guys constantly following me talking to me in French or English. Then while I was watching some beautiful music people behind me kept feeling up my back pocket. That was nerve racking. Inevitable, I suppose. Not speaking French is generally a curse here. But it does make it easier to pretend I don't understand (or don't want to) what people are saying to me. The little Moroccan Arabic I do know comes well in handy. Although it is just a few phrases, it helps me feel connected to the people in a more intimate way than French would because it is closer to their culture. This morning I was determined to get a good meal in my stomach. While waiting for the Chez Chegrouni to open I talked to a woman physician (Tania) from Germany. We had a great conversation about medicine and Marrakech. She gave me some tips on fixing my low blood pressure and dehydration. Medicine is very simple, she said. A huge percentage of people who enter the hospital ill in Germany just need an infusion of electrolytes, water and glucose. Antibiotics will often do nothing when a good portion of the time people have viral infections. Aspirin is no good as it thins out the blood and only helps for [non gastric] pain. Coffee can help. Things I already knew but it's great to hear them from a doctor. The lemon chicken tagine was phenomenal. Much better than the one I paid more for later at La Terrasse L'Alhambra. I made my way to the Museum of Marrakech. That was beautiful and I got some nice pictures. Unfortunately I happen to be cursed with a terrible sense of direction and the only way I can tell north from south is by watching the sun. So my way back meant trying to navigate a labyrinth of souqs and residential areas which were a little intimidating. Wearing a shawl on my shoulders by no means keeps nagging people at bay, but it does make me feel a little less vulnerable if not a little more respectable. I asked 3 Moroccan women (Hajja Khadija, Fatima Zahar and Sanaa) for directions to the Jemaa and they offered that I follow them since they were headed the same way. Even they had to ask for directions. When they're not hustlin, what they say about Moroccan hospitality is too true. I am only sorry that sometimes I am nervous to ask for help fearing that they may demand something in return. Where this is not an issue, I cannot emphasize how generous Moroccan people have been with their time and their words. It is very humbling for how much I have indeed needed help. If anyone has talked to my family, tell them I am doing great. August 24 solaTo tell the truth, my first 10 days abroad were not what they were cracked up to be initially. I fell the sickest I had been in a long time, so I missed out on Marrakesh with Carrie and Ally. I left them at the airport at 4 this morning Malaga time, starved of sleep and food, and direly distressed over feeling ripped off at a hotel for 40 Euros and realizing that just the travel between Morocco and Malaga tore my pockets wide open.
Now that I am by myself I feel so much more reinvigorated. Knowing that where I go and what I do is completely up to me is the wonder of traveling alone. I don´t hurt so much from the money I burned. I can absorb and appreciate my surroundings much at my own pace. I can talk to anyone, ask anything I need because I have time, and really no one seems to be in a rush. The last thing I feel is lonely.
I take stock of my assets and feel grateful for each one I have. Being able to speak another language is indispensible. Not only does it help me get around, but I don´t feel myself as outcasted in places such as Morocco where everyone speaks at least 2 languages, even though I usually don´t speak either of them except in the North. Where I don´t speak Moroccan, and am irresponsibly determined not to learn French, I´ll try to eke out Moroccan phrases from the LP book I brandish. I have a cell phone now, and I have great friends to take care of me if I get stuck.
More than anything I pray that my health holds up. I don´t know what it was that laid me out in Morocco but I hope it doesn´t come back.
If I feel gutsy and ready to take on some Moroccan talk, I might spend the night in Asilah rather than going straight back to Kenitra. Just to feel that much more in control.
August 15 The longest day of my lifeThere were probably only about 4 hours of darkness before the sun started spilling red on the horizon. I will be lucky if I got even that much sleep. I have been taking small 10 minute power naps since. I am here in Malaga with 9 hours of airtime behind us, and still over 6 hours of land-water travel ahead of us. All 3 are managing well, including little Ally who is quite the trooper.
It´s hard to give a good report of Spain since most of what we have seen has been the inside of airplanes and buses.
Looks good so far, some things remind me of Colombia, like everything being in Spanish, for one, the types of cars on the street, and the way things are laid out. On the other hand, there´s definitely more of that globalized, metro feeling. Like more people are used to dealing with foreigners such as ourselves.
Now going to catch the bus to Algeciras.
Love everyone! August 10 4 Days and CountingIt's almost 1130 p.m. Four days from now, I will be flying over the Atlantic, halfway to Spain, engaged in a Nyquil-induced dream. I am so excited. Before this, there was Costa Rica, which was a new landscape, my first time traveling solo, but with some language familiarity. Then there was Colombia, that first time there in 11 years was amazing. Now there's this - Spain, and Morocco. Completely new landscape, completely different culture, one to which I have no inherited relation as I did to those of South America... I have so much reason to be excited as I am. Are you nervous about culture clashes? Not as apprehensive as I would have been before. When I was in Colombia, I tried not to draw attention to myself. I would have my cousins speak for me when we went out. I was very self conscious about my accent, my demeanor, and how people would respond to me as an American in a "third world" country. Then on my last of last days there, this past January, I realized that people will know where I am from before I even open my mouth. There's no getting around it, and no trying to pass as someone I am not. The key, I learned, is respect for other people, their culture, and of course, yourself. People will remember you for how you treated them, not where you are from. I think once paranoia and that need to "fit in" are set aside (although not at the expense of common sense), there is so much more possibility for great experiences. April 21 One Foot InMy blog has tentatively moved...
I am experimenting with LiveJournal.
Please go here for a couple newer entries:
http://koshka_meeshka.livejournal.com February 13 Anna Nicole Smith...faked her own death.
I think if I was a celebrity, I definitely would. February 07 Virtual Life vs. the Real ExperienceThe internet and split-second information access has penetrated almost every aspect of the world, directly or indirectly. I have had access to the internet for most of my life, the only interactive LED screen I remember well before that being a Nintendo game console. Looking back now I realize how much influence the internet has had on who I am as a person, the things I think about, the music I listen to, my politics and my religion. The access of information is mind-blowing and the world can never go back. Rather than relying on cultural traditions, people can now pick and choose the tenets of their religions. They can question and read openly about other ways of thought and life in different time zones or time eras. Rather than thinking oneself an outcast for sexual fetishes, people can now see that there are thousands or even millions more out there with kinks just as weird as their own (thank you Dan Savage!). Politically, grassroots activism has found a new medium to successfully organize. Traveling, though perhaps always a challenge, is now easier than ever. In the past couple years, I have been trying to put my finger on a subtle shallowness of this medium that has helped to shape me as a person. It’s the difference between what I felt in Florida, Costa Rica, Colombia, and how I live here in the suburbs of Philadelphia. That is, life as I have experienced it virtually, and life as I have experienced it… really. And on a social level, I think the question of this divide has been expressed more conventionally as… "Although we have so much more technology, are we happier as human beings?" And the answer that I have contrived is that while information access has made life more convenient, and has allowed us to connect to people on the other side of the planet, and has opened mental gateways to unique and possibly happier ways of thought, we at the same time alienate ourselves from immediate environment and the people around us by substituting this consumption of information for human interactions and the 3-dimensional experience. Anyone could go online, download Grateful Dead music, read their history, see recent concerts, buy themselves a t-shirt and overnight they’re a Deadhead. We can take on scenes that go back as far as recordable information, audiovisual within the last century, and written by many more. But is becoming a Deadhead through internet information the same as living and breathing in the era of the 1970s, seeing the live shows? How do we gauge the authenticity of such a claimed identity? How far can the virtual experience, or any adaptation of an identity through the acquisition of information, replace what we loosely call the "real" experience? These are the things I think about when I consider my lifestyle and those of my kids when/if I have them. Aside from my aversions to the entire venture of having children otherwise, I knew there is definitely a diminishing something in the world that I would like to preserve for them, and only now have I been able to present it verbally. Who knows where information technology will be in their lifetimes? I’ll tell them, don’t settle for the virtual experience. I want their culture to be from the songs and stories they hear from me, from the food I prepare for them, from the places they see and the people they talk to... much as I would like my own life to be... the things that enrich my past and present are generated from the outside world. I understand, history cannot be turned, and if you asked me if I would prefer to live my life without internet access, I would be more than reluctant to say yes. The point is that I do not want to be consumed by what I call in its grand summation a virtual life, that is, where I see no difference between the things I acquire through the screen in front of me, and the things I acquire from the world outside it... where I feel nothing lost in this super-fast means of gaining information. But there is something lost, or better said, something sacrificed, because it is in the interest of something considered very good, the access to information and exchange of ideas... that is that interaction with the tangible world of which I am a native, which would have been the alternative means of acquiring the same information. The goal of science and information technology is to break everything down to a series of ones and zeroes, and although perhaps we cannot simulate the actual physical world, what we can do is simulate the information as our own computers, our brains, understand it. I wonder: Will we reach a point where we can transmit smells and tactile sensations without physical stimulation of any kind? Before, I found disturbing the prospect of accelerating technology to a point where experiences could be replicated by information, or more conventionally "artificial intelligence," because it would threaten the authenticity, the uniqueness, of my own human experiences. Now I have few qualms because of my own resolve to appreciate and experience life 3-dimensionally, and I believe that the sensations I sustain in my lifetime and the ways in which I interpret them are unique, and my continuous capacity to influence the world around me from my first breath to last is distinct and irreplicable. January 04 Colombia la bellaHalfway thru my 3rd trip to Colombia in a year´s time. Keeping a low profile for the most part. I just spent the last couple days at the house in Tulua. Today I am heading to Armenia to catch a couple sites, a gold museum and hopefully a national park. Do you know what´s sad, there are so many beautiful parts of the country to see, the rainforest and jungles and all that but so many of them are not very safe. I would love to see the whole country all four corners, cuz there is everything here. Forest mountains desert jungle plains... Everyone here should be filthy rich for all there is here... gold emeralds coffee sugar even coca can be used for medicine and it would stop so much war here if they just made the coca leaf legal in the US. Some indigenous people make coca tea and soda and sell it and thats hardly harmful at all. If I could go anywhere here in the country without fear, I would practically see the whole planet´s worth of environmental systems. A mitad de completar mi tercero viaje a Colombia dentro de un año. Manteniendo un perfil bajo. Acabo de pasar las noches pasadas aca en la casa en Tulua. Hoy me voy para Armenia para ver unos sitios, un museo de oro y ojala un parque nacional. Sabes lo triste, que hay tantos partes bellisimas del pais para ver, la selva y la jungla pero hay mucho donde no es seguro. Me encantaria ver cada rincon del pais porque aqui hay todo, bosque montañas desierto jungla llanos. Todos aqui deberian ser riquisimos por todo que hay, oro esmeraldas cafe caña aun coca puede ser utilizado para la medicina y pararia tanta guerra aqui si hicieron legal la hoja de coca en la EE UU. Unos indigenos hacen te y gaseosa de coca y eso no daña a uno para nada. Si pudiera irme en cualquier parte del pais, podria ver practicamente todos los medioambientes del planeta. November 15 Civil Disobedience in Tulua, Colombiain my inbox: ...disculpame por no escribirte, lo que pasa es que cuando regresamos de Bogotá, nos dimos cuenta que para el próximo semestre solo abrirán una carrera ( administración ), entonces al volver decidimos tomarnos la sede de la universidad, así que estoy durmiendo allá... Trans: Upon returning from a huge student protest in Bogota, students of the Tulua campus of Universidad del Valle discovered that as soon as next semester the only degree available at their campus will be Administration. In turn, the students locked themselves inside the building and are sleeping over night in protest. These events are due to recent cuts in education spending which will force either the closing or otherwise privatization of smaller college campuses in Colombia. In a small town like Tulua, a major university like Univalle is crux and a force behind growth and education, and its dissolution can only make the community suffer. For these reasons, the students of Tulua have every reason to actively fight for their education and save their Univalle campus. November 13 Babel(spoilers ahead) I first heard about Babel on NPR, where it was compared to Crash and that was actually kind of a turnoff, even though I haven't even seen Crash. But the diversity of the story drew me in, the trailer looked good, there were Moroccans in it, and well I had a day off so why not? So here goes... My number one pet peeve in movies is loose ends, or things that seem irrelevant or unnecessary in the story, and this movie had a handful. In the opening scene we see Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchette wondering why they came to a country that doesn't pander to their apparently aspartame-rich sterilized-ice American diet, and Cate Blanchette alludes to some past shortcoming of her husband that is contributing to her high strung mood. We never find out what he did. We also see a young Moroccan boy who spies on his sister getting naked only to be scolded by his father later. And I am really curious, what were they trying to say? Is this supposed to be typical in a remote Moroccan household as opposed to anywhere else? Why is it important to this story? I am not trying to say that this happens anywhere or nowhere, but I find this portrayal somewhat offensive without appropriate context. I almost felt the same way about the chicken beheading in Mexico. According to this movie, some Mexican people apparently think that beheading a chicken is entertainment at a wedding party. I was personally revolted but everyone gets their kicks in different ways, right? But was there any point other than this? How is a non-Mexican (well maybe a non-Latino for that matter) supposed to take this? And then, the Japanese girl whose mother died. Does it make a difference to the story whether or not her mother was there? How she died? Whether or not her father had something to do with it? It just goes nowhere. And then at last, we are left to wonder cluelessly what the Japanese deaf-mute girl wrote to the police officer. These things are just not integral to the story, and I feel like I waste mental energy trying to follow them only to feel cheated when it seems to me they are just thrown in for shock value or for cheap mood-setting fluff. Babel tries to portray its characters as victims of their social environments, but I propose that they are victims of their own idiocy. I mean, the conflicts in which they find themselves are results of their own ignorance and poor decisions. Here I address each situation: a) Cate Blanchette bullet wounded and "stranded" in a remote Moroccan village. As far as I saw, the American couple in despair had at their disposal: a motor vehicle, a very friendly translator, and most of all, money. The only thing they seemed to be in want of was a stretcher and a siren, on which they insisted. I am sure in that situation someone might have had a clue which way Casablanca was, so what were they waiting for? Even when the rest of the tourists ran off with the bus, the cops came to the village coldly refusing help and well.. if Morocco is like Colombia (as they tell me it is), a flash of Ben Franklin will get you almost anywhere, even with the cops. Even the friendly translator seemed to overlook the idea. b) Stranded in the Texas desert with two children. Crossing the border back to Mexico when you're illegal in the US isn't wise if you plan on coming back (many people have to miss more than their son's wedding because they know better). Drinking and driving is bad, and worse when you are trying to get back in. Crashing through the barricade at border patrol when apparently the is also a dumb decision. c) And finally the first decision that caused the whole ruckus... Giving two barely-pubescent boys a large rifle to play with, scantly trained and unchaperoned. I could drive myself crazy wondering who would reckon this a sane idea. I understand that many people grow up with access to guns (myself obviously not one of them), and however typical or second nature this access is in any situation, gun safety and responsibility should always be tirelessly stressed. And if it is not, which it is not in this movie, again making me wonder if this is supposed to be presented as a normal trend in rural Moroccan society, that could be material for a whole other movie. The story that I did appreciate was that of the Japanese deafmute girl. I liked the theme of using her body to communicate, immaturely using sex as a tool where words fail and learning from the experience. I like the naked-on-the-balcony scene in the end, in which she exposes herself to the world, denoting an acceptance of herself. As I think about it, she was the only one in the film that grew, and I guess that is what else I felt wanting in the movie. None of the other characters changed or learned in the course of their experiences, and if it was supposedly implied, it was too little too late so the audience could only be lost with them. Reflecting on all this, I guess I understand why I had trouble feeling much for the characters or their situations. Too much fluff with irrelevancies, too narrow storylines, and too little growth. So I know this will be overrated, but I still don't regret seeing it because it was part of a very nice day off (although rainy) and now I will have a clue as to what I am talking about when people bring it up (unlike Crash last year which I never got around to seeing). btw, Farmicia on 3rd and Chestnut is an awesome eats. November 07 the newsfeedtoday is election day.. praying as the borderlineatheistliberal I am that the Republicans, not to mention Rick Santorum, lose majority standing in Congress (thank you Dan Savage!) listening to lots of NPR lately to re-nurture my socio-political passions The Israeli military is turning the Gaza Strip into a wasteland, as predicted. The morning after pill has just been made available over-the-counter.. Take that, Republicans! And... buying jeans is still an emotional crisis. Being a poor college student, I am pretty behind on mass market trends, but the prevalence of the poor chic fad that I learned about in my Sociology [Socialism] class was pretty evident as I tried to update my scant wardrobe. I don't understand, why is this so popular? What is so hard about making available a solid color, comfortable pair of flares? Why pay for professional fakeness? Why is looking used and trashy so cool? No, I don't want stains.. No, I don't want fades... No, I don't want them torn.. Yes, I would like to be able to sit down.. and no, I don't want a butterfly stamped on my butt. But at last I did it! I had to settle for a slight fade, but its passable. And it's probably the first major piece of clothing (tank tops don't count) I have bought myself in.. a very very long time. But it was necessitated since I retired my old travel jeans, which I have since made into an heirloom, complete with hole-near-backpocket and Sharpie-branded with all the places I have taken them. November 06 "Hussein is Sentenced to Death by Hanging"As little as I have kept up on the Iraq news, the photo of Saddam Hussein and the headline engenders some ominous air, I guess a sign of the times. There are real, tangible people who have lost their lives because of this man, and people who are still living and dying in ways that no one should even after his fall from power. And where there should be justice on all sides, here is an other act in the Grand Circus, a stage of archetypes, symbols, and masks to distract the general public from the profiteering behind the scenes. All aside, the question that looms in my mind: ... is the world a better place? October 25 God vs. Evolution - Round 5324When Copernicus found that the Earth revolved around the sun, a great schism was initiated between science and religion in which proponents of each side have held tightly to their proclaimed beliefs, while only a few seek common ground between the two spheres. In the 19th century, Charles Darwin widened the gap when he introduced his theory of evolution propelled by natural selection, eliciting outrageous oppostion from religious institutions because of its indication that human beings were evolved from lower animals rather than specially distinct entities directly created in the image of God. In an attempt to manipulate scientific terminology to fit traditional doctrines, religious conservatives have proposed the idea of "intelligent design." Intelligent design asserts that the complex schemes of biological organisms could not have developed on their own, or by Darwin's theory of natural selection; rather, they could only have been created by someone who knew what they were doing, or an "intelligent designer" i.e. God. In the last year there was some debate in the media about whether or not it should be taught in public schools. Here I will discuss its incredulity as sound scientific theory which disqualifies it as part of a legitimate science curriculum. I will also the expose the religious agenda that intelligent design would seek to impose, as well as its social implications that would stunt human progress. Intelligent design suggests that biological structures are expressly intended for the functions we observe them to carry out. In a short essay published on the website of Natural History magazine, Dr. Michael Behe uses the analogy of a mouse trap to explain something he calls "irreducible complexity." A mouse trap cannot catch mice without any of its parts, as, purportedly, other systems such as the rotation of bacterial flagella or blood clotting mechanisms, could not work in the absence of one of its components. In response, Dr. Kenneth Miller again takes apart the mouse trap to show that the dismembered parts can be put to other uses. "The point," he writes, "which science has long understood, is that bits and pieces of supposedly irreducibly complex machines may have different - but still useful - functions." He goes onto note that both bacterial flagella and blood clotting may work in the absence of one part of those mechanisms. Where intelligent design seems to imply that natural entities are finished products, there are innumerable examples of imperfect structures and mechanisms. Daniel Dennett, in an article published in the New York Times, refers to human eye, "one of the favorite challenges of creationists" for its complexity and intricate workings. The retina is inside out, which causes the blind spot in human vision, although he neglects to mention the most obvious flaw which is that most eyes cannot see clearly more than 20 feet in front of them (Dennett). These are just a couple of examples to show the clumsiness of the evolutionary process in place of an intelligent, conscious builder. The most inherently flawed aspect of this "theory" is its claim to scientific credibility, and this issue is most relevant in the consideration to teach it in public education, for which President George W. Bush expressed his support (Dennett). In the scientific process, we hypothesize, test, obtain data, and draw conclusions according to that study. These data, to develop a theory, must be repeatable. The process of natural selection can be repeatedly observed from the survival of bacteria in the presence of antibiotics on a petri dish to the fastest gazelle in a herd running from a lion. In the case of intelligent design, it is concluded that the complexity of biological systems could only have been contrived by God. This suggests that no further investigation is necessary to explain how certain, or any, biological structures were developed. This brings inquiry even into fundamental questions, such as where we as human beings really came from, to a halt. In this way, intelligent design contradicts the role of scientific research, and clashes with scientific culture, which is one that continuously investigates and questions rather than stops at one conclusion. Intelligent design is a rhetorical counter argument of those conclusions drawn from hard research. There have been no studies executed to test its validity. This renders it unfit to be to be included in a science curriculum. This is not to say, however, that it should be actively excluded from class discussion, as nothing ought to be censored in a free education, but it should not be presented as sound scientific theory. The dissemination of intelligent design has an obvious religious agenda and sociological implications. Intelligent design claims to propose logical evidence for the existence of God, which religious conservatives insist that science and evolutionary theory contradict. The heart of the disruption that evolutionary biology causes in religious individuals and institutions may not necessarily be about what God is to us, existent or non existent, but rather what we are to God. In other words, the meaning of our existence. The idea in intelligent design that biological systems have fixed structures and mechanisms can be extrapolated to say that human beings have a particular, static nature. We want to believe that our existence has intrinsic value beyond that which we attribute to it. It is difficult for anyone to come to terms with the probability that we are not inherently associated with a power higher than the ones to which we find ourselves fated. Human beings must be honest with themselves about these insecurities in light of new scientific discoveries rather than trying to manipulate evidence to support conservative doctrines that impede progress and neglect to address current issues. The most outrageous aspect of intelligent design is its implication of the dissocation of human life from its natural environment, exempting itself from the responsibility for the resources it excessively consumes and fails to replenish. Such a method of thinking is convenient for a government whose support is drawn from religious conservatives and whose primary interests are in expanding profits of big oil companies and carrying out military operations in foreign land without consideration for its inhabitants. Considering that God exists, and further, that he is on our side as human beings, imparts that we will be delivered in any serious endangerment to our survival. Insisting on this premise creates a very false sense of security, and, if at least passively, relieves one social and environmental responsibility, and will have dire consequences on both human existence and the earth we inhabit. Evolutionary biology will continue to clash with literary intepretations of religious texts. Intelligent design is an attempt to manipulate scientific language to fit a religious conviction, that the complex systems found in nature could only have been designed by a greater intelligence. There is no empirical evidence to support such a conclusion, thus it is unfit to be taught as valid scientific theory in a credible public education curriculum, although its open dicussion may not be forbidden, in accordance with the right to free speech. Presenting in a context that seeks to impose religious creed as legitimate science disparages the research and role of the scientific community. Intelligent design is also ethically unsound in that it isolates humanity from its natural surroundings, and the supposed evidence for the existence of God reinforces a comfort zone which dissociates people from their society and the environment from which they obtain their resources. This impedes, even reverses, human progress on social, scientific, and spiritual levels. October 16 I am a machine"You should fast." "I don't have time for that kind of stress." "Do it on your day off." "My day off from what?" So graduation is less than a year away... Hardly 6 months to go now, come to think of it, exciting as it is, and the big question is, "What do I plan to do after ward?" The answer of the moment is spend the money on things I have not had the time to in the past 4 years. Or 8 years, for that matter. I see with envious eyes people my age, going into or graduating college with so much artistic talent, things I never took the time to develop in high school or in college. There are probably a number of factors that contribute to this, preoccupying myself with advanced classes, with my social life, and especially in the past couple years, being somewhat economically ascetic to save money and then splurge on travel and vacations. I put the greatest blame on the fact that I have been working since I was 14. I probably did not need to, let's be real, my background is not "working class" as it were... so I tell myself maybe I should have cut myself some slack. Maybe that last swim meet that I missed wasn't worth that one shift. I ask myself, do I regret putting so much time into concerning myself with work and money, even if my family has, on the whole, been financially stable? Initially, I say yes, all that time was not worth the sacrifice of the talent I could have developed for myself, the art that I could have made mine. After some reflection, I reconsider. Most of what I have done, the travel, the car, the cell phone, the apartment I rented for a year and the house I rented for a summer, was financed by yours truly. And what was not paid by me, ex., the car insurance, the school tuition and the last half of my last summer vacation, I understand numberwise what was paid for by my parents, giving me a more solid class awareness and what I should be grateful for. For all this, I feel I am an independent woman.. and maybe that would not seem like such a big deal had I not heard of so many instances of women who rely on men or their families to provide for them, not to mention young men who are just now adapting to working life in their very late teens or early 20s. As tempting as it can be, seeing the number of women who get away with it, I cannot imagine a lifestyle where I depend on a man to provide for my personal living expenses (other than my dad, who picks up with the above mentioned). So I do feel that what was lost in artistic development, I gained in awareness of economic standings and real world experiences. I know how to rent an apartment, how to make contacts, buy a plane ticket, fly and drive long distances by myself, as well as how to feel out what I can and cannot handle financially as a young person without a degree working on tips and hourly wages. I have also become aware of countless ways that society screws you over by suckering you into financing, credit, and debt (Bally Total Fitness is a godless parasitic underhanded company), all of which I now intend to avoid to the greatest extent possible. And I tell myself, I am not a world class guitar player, dancer, or painter, but this could be worth all those hours I put in. Now that school, which has bound me to its schedule and from all the things I missed all 8 or 9 months of the past 8 years, will soon be coming to a glorious finale, I think it is time I can cut myself some slack. I will still be working, probably as a waitress, but I am gonna spoil myself for a while. It's kinda like pre-retirement. If a job opportunity comes along I will take it if it is within my convenience, but I am in no rush. For better or worse, I make out well waiting tables, and on some days, better than I would hourly anywhere else, and the flexibility just can't be beaten. But before diving headfirst into anything, I am gonna take the time to make up what I do miss while I go through these days like a machine, to focus on the creative and cultural side of who I am.. I think I deserve it. September 14 back at the mother shipIt's been almost 4 weeks in and hit the ground sprinting into a full time work and school schedule. Only a little over a week out from my 21st birthday, excited to finally be allowed access to places that I won't have the time to go to, and to finally, after over a year of being an usher and a roadie in the restaurant I can finally be a rockstar, that is to say, get my serving job back. I am suffering from what I have called college level senioritis, different from high school senioritis which is marked by a complacency toward doing anything academically constructive because it's about time to leave that hole forever. This is far from complacency, more like trying to squeeze everything in last minute so I can get the hell out, and the most prominent symptom a fluctuating panic over what I mean to do with my life upon graduation. So far these are the options (more than one can apply): - try to get some entry level job experience - continue working as a server and enjoy not being broke for the sake of saving money for vacations through weekend hours between a school schedule - continue working as a server and still save money to take vacations - go to Spain and/or Morocco - go to Africa - study Spanish in Colombia - go to Colombia anyway and find something productive to do - move to Florida - go to graduate school (far from a primary choice) - take some arts classes - study for another semester anyway in all the classes that I didnt have time to take - go back to school for something different altogether - hop freight trains And to be really honest, I have a high interest in accomplishing most of these items, if so hopefully by the time I am 30. It's the fashion, the order, and the finance... paying back over $20,000 in college loans is almost an after thought... it is an after thought, actually, although it shouldn't be as mass society tells me, and will most likely substantiate itself as an economic noose over my head that will try to strangle the whimsical wanderlusty dreams that keep me from falling over the edge of the rye field. Preventing anything from doing that is truly in my primary interest. |
|
|